Friday, August 27, 2010

More Thoughts

Today I thought of my Mother often. I realize it takes sometime for the reality to set in. I went into the jewelry store today to pick up some jewelry that I had repaired. As I entered the door I thought my Mother died yesterday. These people did not know my Mother so I do not need to tell them that she died. And then I thought she loved jewelry so. That must be why I have always loved it to.

Another thought occurred to me today. When I was spending time with my Mother a couple of weeks ago I looked at her legs and her feet. She had heart congestion and her legs and feet had swollen up so much as the fluid wasn't being pumped out any more. She even had blisters on her legs that the fluid was flowing into. Her socks and shoes would get wet. It was like the fluid had to go somewhere. I thought I want to do something to bring her comfort. I brought a pan with warm water and began to soak and wash her feet. As I was down on my knees and doing this I remembered the bible story of Jesus washing his disciples feet. I said to my Mother do you remember this bible verse from the bible. She said yes. I realized that God was having me cleanse her of all of her sins. Since I had forgiven her he had chosen me.

The other thought that I began to work though today was the word love. When I called my Mother on her birthday to wish her a happy birthday the last thing she said to me was I love you and then I said my last good bye. Even though it wasn't a love that a mother and daughter usually has. What was it? My Mother hadn't said those words to me in my life time except for the last few conversations. There was admiration for the courage and strength that I had shown in some of my life's challenges. Perhaps some amazement at my life choices. Some feelings of wishing she could of done the same. I often felt she lived though me with listening to my stories. Even though she didn't like pictures, she did like the pictures I created. It sounded so exciting to her in her little world. So today I thought of the what those words I love you meant. They were not the usual, but they were her words.

Thanks again for listening.

Thursday, August 26, 2010

One Life is Over

Today my Mother's life is over. She turned 90 yesterday. I called her in Minnesota and wished her a Happy Birthday. I was able to go back to be with her a couple weeks ago. I sat with her to keep her company. She wasn't talking much any more. She thanked me for keeping her company and for taking such good care of her. She did try to make some conversation and asked me how my garden was. I reminded her of some of the things she had she liked a good party. She said did I and smiled liked she remembered. I found her red nail polish and asked if she would like her nails painted. My Mother always liked to look nice. I sensed a frustration with not being able to do much for herself any more. I said I bet it is so hard to have to ask someone to do or help you do all the things you could always do before. She said it is so hard and I said you are doing such a great job. You are remembering to tell people thank you and please. This was not one of my Mother's virtues so I knew that she was trying so hard. When I left to go back home from Minnesota and I stopped to say goodbye, I leaned over and kissed her knowing this would be the last one and she said you are so beautiful. I want a picture of you. My Mother had no pictures of me as she did not like pictures. So I sent her a picture of me, so she received it on her birthday.

My Mother had a very hard time being a Mother, but God replaced her with a step Mom who was a wonderful Mom.

About ten years ago my Mother had hip surgery and I flew back to be with her. When I was on the plane I was thinking why am I going back to be with my Mother? She awoke and saw me sitting there and said you are always here for me and I was never there for you. Mother you have made many mistakes, but I have made many in my life as well and God has sent me here today to forgive you for everything. She began to cry and thanked me. I have never felt so free in my life.

I never loved my Mother and I wondered what I would feel when she wasn't here any more. It is early for me to know, but I think I will miss hearing her voice when I would call and she would say is this Jonadele? Yes and she would say where are you? In California. She would always scream with glee. You see my Mother lived in a five block radius all her life and couldn't imagine anyone living anywhere else. She loved to hear my travel stories. I think part of her wished she had been stronger and could of done more in her life.

Thank you for sharing my thoughts tonight.
God Bless Mom

Monday, August 23, 2010

Air Show

Here is Brad my six year old grandson. We took him to a air show. He liked the slide and a snow cone the best. The next day we took him on a bicycle trail in Alva Beach. He has just learned how to ride his two wheeler bicycle. He does pretty well.

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Hot and Humid

Now isn't this just the cutes town ever? My cousin and I went a trip for a couple days to Ashland, Wisconsin to learn about our family roots. Our Great-Grandparents settle here after coming over from Sweden. We have a cousin which we had never meet that showed us around. It was delightful.

I spent a couple weeks in that wonderful midwest weather and enjoyed being with my family in Minnesota. I also attended my 50th high school reunion.