One Life is Over

Today my Mother's life is over. She turned 90 yesterday. I called her in Minnesota and wished her a Happy Birthday. I was able to go back to be with her a couple weeks ago. I sat with her to keep her company. She wasn't talking much any more. She thanked me for keeping her company and for taking such good care of her. She did try to make some conversation and asked me how my garden was. I reminded her of some of the things she had loved...like she liked a good party. She said did I and smiled liked she remembered. I found her red nail polish and asked if she would like her nails painted. My Mother always liked to look nice. I sensed a frustration with not being able to do much for herself any more. I said I bet it is so hard to have to ask someone to do or help you do all the things you could always do before. She said it is so hard and I said you are doing such a great job. You are remembering to tell people thank you and please. This was not one of my Mother's virtues so I knew that she was trying so hard. When I left to go back home from Minnesota and I stopped to say goodbye, I leaned over and kissed her knowing this would be the last one and she said you are so beautiful. I want a picture of you. My Mother had no pictures of me as she did not like pictures. So I sent her a picture of me, so she received it on her birthday.

My Mother had a very hard time being a Mother, but God replaced her with a step Mom who was a wonderful Mom.

About ten years ago my Mother had hip surgery and I flew back to be with her. When I was on the plane I was thinking why am I going back to be with my Mother? She awoke and saw me sitting there and said you are always here for me and I was never there for you. Mother you have made many mistakes, but I have made many in my life as well and God has sent me here today to forgive you for everything. She began to cry and thanked me. I have never felt so free in my life.

I never loved my Mother and I wondered what I would feel when she wasn't here any more. It is early for me to know, but I think I will miss hearing her voice when I would call and she would say is this Jonadele? Yes and she would say where are you? In California. She would always scream with glee. You see my Mother lived in a five block radius all her life and couldn't imagine anyone living anywhere else. She loved to hear my travel stories. I think part of her wished she had been stronger and could of done more in her life.

Thank you for sharing my thoughts tonight.

God Bless Mom